Dear Rejected College Applicant

You hold the envelope in your hand.

The envelope you believe controls your future.

It is thin. 

You don’t even have to open it.

You know what it says.

You have been rejected from your first-choice college.

You might think the scene ends there, but it doesn’t.  There is another letter in the mailbox, the one I am writing to you now.  Consider this blog your reality check, a guide to help you figure out what college rejection really means, and if it even matters.  I hope that reading this blog will empower you to toss the thin envelope into the trash where it belongs.

But first, you’ll have to allow yourself to think differently about the thin envelope.  It might be addressed to you, but who did the admissions officers really meet?  Did the application version of you reflect the person you truly are, or who they wanted you to be?  How much time did they spend with your application?  Did they make snap judgments based on factors that have nothing to do with you? 

The admissions officers don’t know you at all, and if they don’t know you, they can’t reject you.  They can reject a test score, a grade point average, a geographic/racial/ethnic statistic, but not you.  The admission decision is not personal, and certainly not a statement on your self worth or your qualifications. 

This may take time to sink in.  If you are anything like I was in high school, your college logic goes like this:  Smart people go to college X.  If college X accepts me, that means I am smart.  If college X rejects me, then I am not smart/worthy/going to be successful in life.  This logic is so powerful it cancels out what remains of your self confidence after surviving four years of high school.  You don’t think twice about placing your self image in the hands of people you have never met.  Their decision, often random and based on factors beyond your control, suddenly means everything.   

The unspoken truth is that those of you striving the hardest for admission at top universities will face rejection.  It is the cruelest twist in what becomes the hottest reality show of the spring.  The college admissions “machine” sets the standards higher and higher, and the more you push yourself to meet them, the greater the likelihood that you will be rejected.  When the rejection letter arrives, you are left alone when you most need advice from the so-called college “experts.”  Rejection is a taboo topic, too often untouched by the countless books, information sessions, and counselors claiming expertise.  How to get into college sells, coping with rejection doesn’t. 

The college admissions process is a human system, complete with human flaws and motivations.  College administrators and admissions officers mean well, but are often driven by agendas at odds with accepting the most qualified applicants.  Although it is hard to swallow, factors beyond your control may carry more weight than your SAT score or extra-curricular activities.  Former admissions officers and current administrators have written candidly about the system and offered suggestions for change.  Whether it changes or not, the admissions process will still be a human system, not a science, and should be treated as such.

Not only is the system flawed, but we are also seeing cracks in the foundation upon which it rests, namely, the mistaken belief that school status ensures future success.   Granted, years ago attendance at an elite college was the secret handshake welcoming students into the “old boy’s club” of the ruling class, but those days are long gone.  Students clinging to the past and expecting school status to carry them place themselves at a serious disadvantage in today’s global marketplace. 

            This is not to say that school status has no value, it just does not have as much value as we are led to believe.  You will be entering a workforce in which the answer to the question “What can you do?” is much more important than “Where did you go?”  Most graduates from elite colleges will freely admit that completing a four year degree doesn’t guarantee you can do anything.  That part is up to you.

Hopefully, that thin envelope is starting to feel less heavy in your hand.  You might even be considering the notion that the college admissions process, like high school in general, has distorted your view of the real world, and your true self.   

We all receive thin envelopes at some point in our lives.  Yours came from a college, others receive rejections from dream employers, banks, editors, or coaches.  Whether it arrives when you are eighteen or twenty-four or forty, dealing with rejection calls upon the same coping skills.  Look at your thin envelope as an opportunity to learn how to rise up when the world makes a mistake, take back your power from the admissions officers and define success, and yourself, by your own standards.