The Story Behind the Blog

The idea for this blog came about after I received an email from my dearest high school friend, who now works as a psychologist.    She asked me to offer advice for an overachieving high-school senior who had been rejected from her top choice colleges.  My friend reached out to me because I had been in the same position years ago.  Here is what I wrote:

“I don't know you, but I may know how you are feeling.  I was crushed when I wasn't accepted to my first choice college.  I felt like a failure, and was angry that all of my hard work hadn't been enough for admission.  It didn't seem fair.  I actually began to think I wasn't good enough or smart enough for the school.  Needless to say, this did quite a job on my self esteem.

I went to college kicking and screaming (on the inside).  Looking back, I was a horrible snob.  I thought I was better than my classmates.  This was no way to begin that chapter in my life.  But slowly I gave my school and my classmates a chance, and gave myself a break.  I realized my insistence on going to a "top" school was much more about my insecurities and need to define myself as "smart" than about education.  I learned that learning can happen anywhere, and often our most valuable learning experiences happen outside the classroom.  I came out of college with a better sense of myself, a true appreciation for learning, good friendships, happy memories, and even my future husband!  

Now, a practical note.  In high school it seems like the only route to success is through a "top" school.  In the real world, nothing could be more untrue.  What matters is what you do in college,  including your grades, work experiences, life experiences, etc.  Nobody gets a free pass because of the school they attend.  Maybe a certain diploma will open doors, but you have to prove yourself once that door is open.  I have worked in several law firms, and my husband has worked in corporate America, and quite honestly, we have found the college a person attends to be irrelevant.  This question is more relevant to graduate school than undergrad. 

So my advice is to try not to place too much emphasis on the decision of the admissions officials - it has nothing to do with you or your abilities.  Don't take it personally, and don't take it to mean you are not intelligent or capable of success.  Pick a school where you can thrive, take interesting and challenging classes, learn about the world outside the classroom, make good friends, get to know yourself - all of these things can happen anywhere.  I worked with two lawyers who attended Ohio State, and they both had wonderful experiences and went on to very successful legal careers.  So give yourself a break- you have achieved a lot, don't forget that.  Don't measure yourself by the standards of an admissions official - define success on your own terms and believe in yourself.  That will get you much further in life than a degree from a "top" school! :)”

April 7, 2010